Biking Fools

Ken's parents, Jackie and Dave, visited us up in the Great North to celebrate Audrey's first birthday (again -- one can never have too much birthday cake IMHO). AND, Ken and I got presents, too! New bikes for Mother's and Father's Days. Woo hoo! As you can see, the Shmoo is strapped in for optimal bikage, herself. We've ventured forth now a couple times. I'm feelin' all athletic and everything...

Notes on mothering

I really like being Audrey's mom. And, I'm really glad I feel that way! I always thought parenting was such an important job; it intimidated me. I didn't know if I'd be able to be whole enough to not pass on my neuroses willy-nilly onto a child. Today I know that whatever neuroses Audrey becomes acquainted with because of me, well, let's just chalk those up to karmic lessons she signed up for by having me as her mom. :)

I've had some interesting chats with the two mothers in our lives, my mom and Ken's mom. Chats about their childhoods and the experiences from them that shaped them. My mom had a significant portion of her childhood shaped by living with her maternal grandmother, who was a no-nonsense, peasant-stock, Germanic, good-cook-of-simple-home-style-food, hard-ass. Nurturing was not in the family vocabulary. My mom was always told how she didn't measure up, especially compared with her older brother.

Ken's mom grew up the youngest of four girls, with her next-oldest sister being six years older than her. She always wanted to be included, to fit in with, be accepted by her older sisters. It turns out that Anne, her 13-year-old sister, informed seven-year-old Jackie that she was too young for her to play with anymore, and so she wouldn't. And, she didn't. Ouch! Jackie spent the better part of her life returning over and over again to this pattern of wanting to be liked to be included. My mom's spent the better part of her life disciplining herself to achieve, to be positive, to have answers, to measure up to her own (pretty damn ridiculously high) standards. She took over the Hard-Ass title after my great-grandmother's passing... And, I think she's just now in her life beginning to see how being softer, more nurturing with herself is okay. In fact, it's necessary.

Both of them have recognized these patterns and have chipped away at understanding them and raveling them back into their whole selves, to become more balanced, ultimately.

I used to be afraid of how I might "fuck up" my own children. But, I've come to realize that Audrey is going to have her issues to work on and learn from over the course of her life, regardless if she has a "perfect" childhood and parents (what are those anyway, right?). She's here to experience love and sorrow, action and reaction, choices and consequences, creation and destruction. The best I can do is ensure that she knows she is loved and imminently lovable, guide her experiences with and understanding of the above, be present in the moment with her and Ken, share joy, encouragement, parameters, nurturing, creativity and manifesting with her, and probably lots and lots more as she grows.

I'm really glad I'm a mom. And, I'm really glad to have my mom and Jackie in our lives, especially Audrey's now.

Happy Mother's Day to them, to me, and to all my Mom friends out there. :)

Inertia

Feel like things are creeping up in piles around me.

Had a great time today with Ken's parents, Jackie and Dave. Went to our favorite Vietnamese restaurant for lunch. Came back home, after ooohing and ahhhing over all the stately homes on Summit Avenues. Audrey went down for a nap, and Jackie and I went out for a little window-shopping and exploring. Hit the grocery store, came home to make dinner, Ari and Terri and kids came over, and we all had birthday cake again to celebrate Audrey's first birthday. :)

Will post photo(s) tomorrow.

After everybody went home, had ambitious notions about catching up on emails, crossing things off my list, etc. etc. Instead, I spent some time looking at bicycles on the web.

Can't focus right now. I think to myself, it's quiet, I should finally get to some to-do's on my list. Ken's watching "Medium" ten feet away from me, and I'm twitching my head over every five minutes to see Allison Dubois startle awake from another psychic dream.

Okay, I give up.

MN IFP Producers Conference 08

Briefly, had a GREAT weekend being a panelist at the IFP MN Ninth Annual Producers Conference last weekend.

Ken was the Peach he is and took care of Audrey all day Friday and Saturday so that I could go be my Producer self.

Highlights include:

Meeting and co-paneling with two LA-based film sales guys, Dan and David. It was so fun to me to be able to talk about movies not only creatively and artistically, but business-ally, too. Dan's been in sales business the last 10+ years, and David's been in it the last 30+. It was fun hearing them talk about the backend details of distributing many well-known films like My Big Fat Greek Wedding (David), Monster (Dan and David, both), and more currently The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. And, we all really appreciated the opportunity to talk to indie filmmakers, many to be first-timers, about the importance of anticipating and prepping for the endgame of their movies. After it's made, how will it find and reach its audience?

Listening to and critiquing 16 pitches from advanced screenwriting students on Friday afternoon. The three of us joked about the American Idol aspect of our efforts. Of course, I was designated as Paula.

Heard a pitch I personally liked. Am following up to read that script, myself. Also, without naming student names or titles, another one of the pitches stood out for the fact that the writer went into great detail about his sci-fi script, including the graphic genesis of his heroine. Suffice it to say, we referred to that pitch the rest of the weekend as the Vagina Sphere pitch.

Hilarious.

Was so tired by Saturday afternoon, could barely string words together intelligently anymore. Came home for a nap, and met group out at dinner at a Minneapolis Thai restaurant.

On both Friday and Saturday nights, organizers took the group out to FANTASTIC dinners. Now, you all know how much I love eating out. Damn, I was in heaven. Friday night, I had fantastic steak and other goodies at the Red Stag Supper Club in NE Minneapolis. Saturday night, had fantastic curries and noodles at The King and I Thai restaurant in downtown Minneapolis.

The Foodie in me rejoiced.

Plus, they both served mucho tasty martinis. Damn. :)

Talked so much about so many interesting things, came home hoarse.

I feel fired up.

Meeting with a filmmaker client today for a coaching session. That fires me up, too!

Gotta go shower now. I don't think Bed Head makes a sufficiently professional impression.

Oh, and one last thing. Met a great attorney/dealmaker woman, Christy, too, this weekend. She's a partner in a Minneapolis entertainment law firm and Board member of IFP MN. AND, she knows our good friend, Gail March, from her 17 years at Columbia Tri-Star in Business Affairs.

Small world, huh?

Audrey's One Year Old and Walking!

Lots of catching up to do with the images. Here's one we've been meaning to capture for a long time. My dad gave Audrey this cute shirt around Christmas time when it was too cold to wear. Yesterday we finally caught her in it although she was very squirmy. In case you can't tell it says "Oh come let us adore me." Who could resist?



On April 17 Audrey was one year old! We had a little party with Lorie's mom Sue visiting and local friends Ari, Terri, and their two children Marie and Noah.





Audrey briefly enjoyed this spinning light show thingy, which, being a cheap piece of plastic crap from China, quickly broke and is now in the landfill (sans batteries). sigh.



Audrey's walking more and more, but still prefers holding someone's finger.



Getting better...



... and better...





... and better!

I miss you all!

Can you tell Spring has sprung up here in the Great North?

Between Audrey's first birthday on April 17th and my mom's visit, we were happily busy. Plus, we've had several glorious days of sunshine and balmy temperatures, so we've been hacking away (literally) at the backyard to prep it for a veggie garden.

I have photos to upload to my Mac and then here in the blog; plus, I've picked up some more work. PLUS, I'm participating in a producers conference this weekend, so that's taken some time with emails, phone calls, and such.

Am hoping to get some quality time tomorrow to do some updating here-o on the blog-o.

XOXO

11 years and counting

Today is our 11th wedding anniversary. Yay for us!

We hired a babysitter and went out to dinner at a fancy schmancy restaurant. I had a full, round glass of red wine, which is currently messing with my typing skills.

That's all I have to say. Oh, except I love my HOney Bunny. Slurry much. :)

I want to be a Big Loser

I've been watching "The Biggest Loser" this season. It's a show about obese people who compete with each other to lose the most weight and win the title of "The Biggest Loser" and $250,000. The producers pad each episode out way too much (each one is two hours!), but given the writers strike, I suppose the network was happy to have new programming to fill those two hours for 16 weeks. I find the contestants and their journeys inspiring.

Anyway, I went to the gym, myself, today. On top of a LOT of walking and pushing the stroller all over the neighborhood this week -- like, three miles a jaunt. My hips and thighs actually ACHE.

Anyway, I want a personal trainer. I want to go to a "ranch" where a personal trainer spends every day with me showing me new exercises and busting my ass to work out and work hard. I want to stand on an industrial scale and see that I've lost ten pounds. That's pretty much all I want - ten pounds. In fact, right now, when I lose six more, I'll hit my initial goal weight.

Although, if I got money for losing weight, to boot, that'd be cool. :)

I catch glimpses of myself in the mirror in the bathroom, my stomach, especially. And, I've decided my new mantra is, "I love my tummy. I love my tummy." When I was working out today, though, I wanted somebody to tell me what I was doing was working. My form was good; my effort is paying off. Or, somebody to tell me, 'pick up the pace! Squeeeeze! Five MORE!'

I love my tummy, however squishy and stretch-marky it is.

Baby's First Shuffles!

I just walked out of the kitchen moments ago and Audrey was standing in the living room holding a toy. Her standing unassisted is not uncommon these days, but just as I looked at her she shuffled her left foot forward, then again, then her right, then left. She might have done a couple more shuffles before plopping down and looking up at me. Of course I gave her a big hug and told her how great she is!

Tidbits

Last week, Ken and I drove to a fairly-nearby motel to check it out as a possibility for his parents' stay in May. Audrey and I stayed in the car, while Ken went in to inquire about stuff at the front desk. It was right along the light rail train route, and we wondered about the noise issue.

Ken learned that wasn't our greatest concern. After noticing the bowl of condoms placed conveniently next to the reception window (which was walled in by bullet proof glass), Ken learned from the pleasant English-as-a-second-language clerk that the motel's typical clientele could run a little on the loud (but temporary) side. Said clerk helpfully suggested that Ken's parents might be more comfortable at 'a Best Western or something.'

AUDREY SITING: in her room tonight, Ken and I were hanging out, reading bedtime stories to her. She likes pulling up on everything and anything and practicing her standing skills. She's becoming quite adept at keeping her balance. AND, I watched her take two small, unassisted steps toward Ken tonight.

Aw.

Gaps in the Time-Space Continuum

What am I doing with my time??? I just reviewed some To Do notes I was keeping on my Mac. And, it's been a couple weeks since I last looked at them. AND, I've made no progress on any of my To Do's, AND, AND, AND I have more To Do's to add!

What have I been doing?!

Well, I can give you one idea. Today, Ken went to a Gaming get-together, so I had The Shmoo to myself all afternoon. We went to Trader Joe's over in St. Louis Park (there isn't one in St. Paul, yet, and I really wanted more of their gyozu dipping sauce and Soyaki). Anyway, after navigating a very popular store, on a Sunday, with a baby, then stopping at a coffee shop for a tuna sandwich and a bottle for her, we got home in the rain, with five bags of groceries in the trunk.

While I was driving over there, I thought, "ooh, I want to do this and this when we get home and/or when Ken gets back home."

By the time I unloaded all the groceries, changed her diaper, fed the cats, blah, blah, blah, I couldn't even remember what I'd wanted to do. And, I certainly didn't have the energy to do it.

Phooey.

I had a welcome Artist Conversation Friday night with my friend, Ari, and together we aired out creative worries, successes, hopes, and ideas. This was a routine we started with each other back in Austin, and I am SO HAPPY we live in the same place again!!! It took us about six weeks this time to manage to schedule our discussion, but I'm so glad we did!

Anyway, Ari gave me an idea about another blog to start; one that's oriented only to filmie stuff -- my experiences and observations on current trends. People keep telling me I'm good at this stuff - I should put it out there. I liked the idea a lot, but I think, how am I gonna do another blog when I'm not even keeping this one up as much as I'd like to?

I still have "a roll" of photos on the digital camera to upload onto my Mac, sort/file them, and post relevant ones here. I have note-y prose in a draft business plan to fill in and finish. I have three wallet photos of Audrey at nine-months-old to cut out and mail to three remaining friends -- and, she's going to be one year old in two weeks! I'm not working out nearly as often as I enthused that I would. I keep repeating to myself, 'I love my tummy, I love my tummy. It's soft, and that's good. It provides a lot of cushioning for Audrey to plop onto.'

AGGHHH!

My time management frustrations are not going to stop me from playing with the idea and starting another (draft) blog, though. I don't know if I'll ever make it "live" for anyone else to read. But, I'll take the next month or so and sit my ass down during Audrey's morning nap and see what comes out...

And, on the plus side, I got my hair cut Friday. And, I watched the last half of "Easy Rider" with Ken tonight -- that almost counts as a sort-of date. And, I bought garden tools - bow rake, pitch fork, hoes, etc. - this weekend. Man, am I itchin' to dig up the backyard garden. Poking around there on Saturday, I realized that we have a bunch of raspberry bushes in the bed that we want to turn into our veggie garden. It's cool, though, we can have raspberries and snap peas and chard and kale and...

I'm off now to read about how to prune raspberry bushes.